Thursday, July 12, 2012

Creeping on the Creeper

For the last 3 evenings, I've spent time talking in Twitter Direct Message with someone who, initially, seemed to think I was an alter in another Tweeter's system.

If you know me, you know I'm all about education and advocacy where DID and childhood trauma are concerned. I was more than willing to answer questions. Always am willing.

However, it didn't take long for my "CREEPER" alarms to start ringing. I gave it some time, hoping I was being overly suspicious... but am now convinced my gut feeling is dead on.

I'm posting our exchange (with a little snark in bold parentheses) and plan to write another more ranty post about it.

I'd like your honest take on what he says. Please share in comments.

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Him: Hello

Me: Hello

Him: I understand that you’re friends with just call me frank… are you one of (their)
individuals?

Me: I’m integrated. A former multiple. Learning to live as one.

Him: Um… I don’t mean to be rude but could you explain that a bit.

Me: The integrated part or the multiple part?

Him: The word integrated and how you are using it.

Me: I mean to say my Crew and I blended over time. All the parts are still there. Just no longer separate.

Him: Is everyone conscious?

Me: Very much so. We took time to get to know everyone, learned to work together and share consciousness.

Him: Is that difficult?

Me: It took 8 years of treatment with a good doc and a trauma specialist. Integration happened on its own though.

Him: Wow, can I say congratulations?

Me: Yes and thank you. Not everyone chooses integration but it was what we all wanted.

Him: Congratulations

Me: Again, thank you.

Him: Welcome

Him: So is living together difficult?

Me: It was very weird at first. 24 hours seemed a lot longer than it used to. I missed talking to them and my family missed them.

Me: Over time, as I learned to freely express all the aspects of me that were once separated, it became easier. I feel their echo, so to speak.

Him: Should I be referring to all of you as individuals or as a whole? (What part of one person do you not understand?)

Him: I’m going to be leaving for a bit. Be right back.

Me: I’m a whole person. My name is Marisa. Some people online still call me The Crew because they knew all of us.

Me: Okay, I have some work to do here at home. Will be around later.

Him: Hello

Me: Hello :)

Him: I wanted to ask a few questions on integration. Is that okay?

Me: Sure. If I may ask, are you or someone you love multiple or is this personal interest? I’m cool either way. Just curious.

Him: I just always fascinated with D.I.D and it was always a subject that always eluded me.
Him: Of course, the trauma is something that isn’t I’m too happy about but the identities is what always captured my imagination.

Me: Okay, ask away.

Him. It difficult trying to write. I read that there is multiple writing styles. (I'll try not to be too picky on the grammar but damn!)

Me: (accidentally posted as a tweet) For many people, that is true. Mine certainly did.

Him: Um… Did you put your answer on twitter?

Me: I may have. I responded via text. Sorry. 4 hours of chuck e cheese has fried my brain.

Him: What are you doing in chuck e cheese? (And what effing business is it of yours?)

Me: Home now. Party for grand daughter. My kids are 23, 20, 19, 17 & 14. Grands are 21 and 24 months.

Him: I never understood the months thing. (Poor you. Dumbass)

Him: Oh happy birthday I guess…… (You guess? Can you piss off?)

Me: Sorry. Phone battery died and the computer is hard to get to as we only have 1. I refer to the kids by age on twitter rather than names.

Me: The grands are so close together it makes no sense to go by year age right now. I’ll be back when my phone has a chance to charge.

Him: Oh, if it’s for personal reasons completely understandable. (Why thank you for your permission, asshat)

Me: My blogs are reflectionsinaprism.blogspot.com and sweetgestalt.blogspot.com. They might help answer some questions too.

Him: I’ll go through it tonight, should be easier when everything isn’t hectic.

Him: How did you deal with growing up?

Me: I split. I had obvious mental health issues by 9 and spent a good chunk of my teens in hospitals. Was a mess.

Him: So have you grown up? (WTF? I'm a grandmother. What do you think?)

Me: Grown up? As in grown more emotionally, intellectually and mentally more mature, of course. I am, by any possible measure, an adult.

Him: Does your childish aspect still show? (I'd have chosen "childlike" as "childish" has a more negative ring to it... but that's semantics.)

Me: Honoring a love of play, humor, innocence and wonder aren’t exclusive of children.

Me: All My parts still show.

Me: Think of a rainbow. The colors are the separation of the components of light. Not seeing the individual colors doesn’t mean they are gone.

Him: Is there a proper way to interact with a D.i.d. person?

Him: I found the answer I was looking for, it was really explained thanks, before the rainbow part, wasn’t sure how to response. (Oh, I'm sorry for answering more of the question than you asked. I didn't realize you were trying to figure out if you could talk to those parts)

Me: That’s a loaded question.

Him: What does this mean?

Me: I’d say, treat a multiple as you would anyone else; with the same basic respect you would want to be treated.

Him: I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just not familiar with the terms or I was wanted to know if there is something I shouldn’t say or do (Way to backpedal douchebag)

Him: I honestly would never be demeaning to a person. (Not to your view)

Me: Do you know someone with DID?

Him: No not at all, but I am familiar with the subject, but very little, I have some family with child abuse and things in that range. (familiar but very little. In other words, you are fascinated by something of which you know precisely jack.)

Me: Any multiple who expects kid glove treatment isn’t ready to be healthy and shouldn’t be treated differently. Unless you know them well enough to know their others by name, there is nothing special to do. DID doesn’t exist to be seen but as a way to keep functioning in a tough life.

Me: I blogged my recovery in part for my benefit and in part to educate others. I would caution you that multiples are not keen on being “studied” or looked at as “curiosities”. It’s a difficult enough path without being looked at that way. I’ve been asked to switch. Not cool.

Him: I dug myself a hole. I was trying to find ways to not upset anyone. (Dude, this is life. You will upset people. Are you really that stupid?)

Me: To be perfectly honest, this really isn’t a 140 character conversation. My email is on both blogs. Feel free to continue asking via email.

Him: Ok…



-Italicized quotes are his email to me.

"Ok I've obviously done something to upset you and I would like to know what did I do to upset you."
- For a complete stranger, it is rather presumptuous for you to assume you know my feelings.

I find twitter DM to be an inefficient forum for an in depth conversation such as this one.

I also hoped that by moving to a forum which allowed an unlimited space to express yourself, your questions might change tenor and make a little more rational sense. Sadly, that didn't occur.


"As for regarding on the question "how to interact with a person with D.I.D", it was meant so that way I could get to know each personality individually, and I want to be cautious and respectful as much as possible."
-My question is why? Why do you want to get to know each person individually? In 35 years of living as many, only a handful of people outside my treatment team and family were given the privilege of knowing my others. They knew my others because we had a long established trust with the person involved. I have yet to meet a person who wants to "get to know the individuals" whose interest was a concern for the multiple. It has always been a case of the person expecting a multiple to behave as a dancing monkey, switching at the pleasure of the other person. It's selfish, to say the least.

When a multiple switches in the presence of any but the most deeply trusted or "safe" people, it's because the switch was triggered and that means a line was crossed that the multiple feels incapable of dealing with on his/her own. It is NOT a positive thing to get a multiple to switch. In all likelihood, the only "other" you would meet in such a circumstance would be a protective alter who will go out of his/her way to get you back off or suffer the consequences.

Your interest in seeing or experiencing this is suspicious, at best.


"I feel my intentions weren't to belittle anyone, and I think it upsets you that I don't know anyone with D.I.D, but I understand the trauma, my grandparents were part of residential schools, I'm (native American) aboriginal, and from what I can tell you are a very passionate person, and want to educate people on D.I.D."
- Again, it is presumptuous to think you know what upsets me. If you do not have a multiple in your life, I cannot fathom why you would intentionally seek one out to know.

I understand you are "fascinated" by us but that is not reason enough.

Would you ask an epileptic to let you witness a seizure? Would you ask an autistic person to have a meltdown in your presence? Would you ask a stranger to stand naked before you simply because you are interested in how they look?

By asking your questions about how to talk to a multiple, you are asking to be part of a very private and personal thing. You are asking me directions on how to violate the boundaries of a vulnerable person... and that makes it impossible for me to think your motivation is a good one.

In addition, your seeming interest in the "childish aspects" makes me again question your motives. What possible reason could you have for wanting to trigger a child personality in an adult? Again, I can see no justifiable or positive reason for such a desire. To be perfectly honest, it's creepy and borders on pedophiliac behavior.

I am happy to answer questions about my personal experience with DID but will not "teach" you how to approach others. It's a line I will not cross. I will not betray other survivors in that manner.

All the best,
Marisa