Thursday, February 16, 2012

Deconstructing Tara: Aftermath Part 2

"Oh please, it's all you."
Charmaine's attitude drives me nuts... but it really is the dismissive attitude of those who can't be bothered to educate themselves about DID.

The husband of a freind used to refuse to acknowledge Reese and Stephanie. They found this hugely offensive and would intentionally bait him to get him to react. It caused stress for his wife which I felt bad about later. She didn't need to get stuck in the middle of that power struggle.

To this man's credit, while he didn't acknowledge the others by name, he didn't do it to be disrespectful. To him, the best way to help was to treat us all with the same love and care he had for me, Marisa. By not differentiating between us, his hope was the acceptance for all of us would eventually translate through the system and encourage oneness. Not a bad thought. Just not one we were the least interested in at the time.

“Maybe the kids are responding to trauma.”
“What trauma?”
“You know, your Schizophrenia situation.”
And again with the ignorance. I love Tara's simple but accurate explanation of the difference between the two.

--

Awkward moments with acquaintances who have seen a switch but don’t really understand what’s going on. The patronizing attitudes of the ignorant. It’s interesting that despite the crap she gives Tara, Charmaine sticks up for her to others.

You get to see here how being emotionally overwhelmed opens the door for another to come forward. I thin I need to do an entry apart from the USoT entries discussing the emotional compartmentalization that occurs here and is displayed by the switching. Tara couldn't deal so the calmer Alice stepped in.

I had a lot of these situations with acquaintances, especially with neighbors. Some were supportive and others were like the bitches from the school. One went so far as to go out of her way to bring up my mental illness every time a conversation didn't go as planned. It's like she needed to feel superior at all times. Stephanie eventually had a conversation with her that effectively ended any future contact with the woman. Thank God and Stephanie.

“You’re so co-dependant!”
“It’s called love, Bro!”
 Okay, I'll admit there's some co-dependence working between Max and Tara. Fact is, MOST marriages have some aspects of co-dependence. The difference between a marriage relationship and unhealthy co-dependent relationships is that one can function and work and the others is destined to explode. I just wish I could articulate exactly where the line exists.

The dainty music with the rock undercurrent while Alice is baking. I love it! The accompaniment music for each alter is so fitting. As is the music at the end of every episode. Diablo Cody and her minions did and amazing job there… from indie to classic rock to everything in between to fit the mood of each individual episode. It would have been kind of nice to have a soundtrack playing to my life. Might have made things a little less confusing for the family. Oh, it's shit fit music. Best keep a distance.

I never really had to deal much with The Crew introducing themselves by name to people outside our closest circle of friends. Part of the function of DID is to keep the chaos hidden and that includes not letting on there are many in one. It defeats the purpose. That habit of Tara’s alters is one of the details that irritated me in the first season.

Alice putting the bitches in their place though. Can't say I disapprove.

“It’s time to start loving Oral.” LOVE, LOVE Max’s face after that line.
Psychological dressing down.
Stephanie did something similar to a school psychologist about 10 years ago. The arrogant woman went out of her way to talk to all the school people involved in the IEP but literally turned her back on me. She discussed all the plans of how to help Daniel while only occasionally tossing a comment over her shoulder about "the mother".
Eventually Stephanie stepped in. She stood up and moved to sit where the psychologist could no longer avoid her. She then proceeded to remind the bitch who the mother was and that whatever her opinion, it would take teamwork between family and school to give Daniel his best shot. She very clearly and very... courteously made it clear who was calling the shots with regard to Daniel. After she'd had her say, the entire air of the meeting changed.

It was awesome.

“Tara’s not equipped to manage to manage this family at the moment. Now, we’ve all come to a consensus, and I think you need me right now.”
I call Bullshit. My guess is Alice took advantage of Tara being overwhelmed and decided to make a coup.

While Alice had no real business taking the matter into her own hands, I have to admit, I don’t blame her one bit for washing out Kate’s mouth. Also, the graceless ingrate comment is probably something Tara would have liked to say herself.

Max comforting Tara instead of Kate. At least Kate had Marshall.
That's a scene played out all too often in our house and I regret it. No, can't change it and one day I'll fully forgive myself... but too many times Charlie put his effort into comforting me when the kids needed him as much or more. It's that damn squeaky wheel... and kind of explains why Kate was so impulsive and destructive in her choices. She had a lot of competition for some attention at home.

“You know, someday, if everything goes the way I’m hoping, I’ll be here all the time. Won’t that be fun?”
Mutiny, mutiny, mutiny. I had some who tried at times... but as their desire to take over had zero to do with what was best for family, we all fought it hard.

Max trying to smooth things over and pick up the pieces. He’s good at it. Must be all the years of practice.

Alice and Radcliffe.
Stephanie had her own history too. Stephanie was born of short stories I wrote in my early teens. It's actually pretty common for alters to have an entire history separate from the host. It's a way of denying they are part of one person... and often the 'history' gives a clue as to their function, abilities and world view. Real or not, knowing an alter's history is a valuable part of getting to know them.

I'll finish this entry with what, again, is an incredibly poignant moment... when Max meets Alice's eyes. Searching.
“What?”
“Nothing, just looking for someone.”