Saturday, February 18, 2012

Decompression. Need Some

I love the way things sometimes coincide. Over in The Crew diary, a friend is visiting from Vermont for the first time. There, you'll read his name is Harley. Over the years we've also called him by his middle name of Eli. These days we're back to his first name of Jonas.

Jonas lives nearby and after a heartbreaking separation of a few years, the brother/sister relationship we've enjoyed for over a decade is going strong.

Like me, Jonas is a recent singleton. He lives with Krys and Steve. Krys, as an avid Tara fan and the one who introduced me to the series, recently sat Jonas down for his introduction to Tara.

"That is a hard show to watch!" You'll get no argument from me there.

"Did we really look that crazy?" No matter who he asks, the answer is some variation on "Oh, yeah."

Now we've both seen the series, it seems perfectly natural to talk about our "many" days in a way we really haven't before.

I didn't realize until we talked how much I needed to sound off with someone who understands it from the inside. I can discuss it ad nauseam with family and friends who knew us then but talking with Jonas offers a validation that is needed but can't get from anyone else.

More than validation, there are stories from that time that weren't blogged. Having someone else to remind us helps to solidify memories. Then there are the stories neither of us really remember but we can glimpse through the eyes of family who was there.

Krys' favorite memory of Jonas and me was on the day he first arrived for his visit with us. Based on details from Charlie, Amelia (then 6) had brought Jonas' little Sam (5 1/2) up to the bedroom to play.

It's unclear which of the two started it... but I think Amelia took offense to a comment about her "girly" toys. She responded by telling Sam that boys have cooties. This started an "Uh-uh!" "Yah-huh!" back and forth that gradually grew in volume.

Picture two full grown adults, sitting on a floor, surrounded by toys,  having this exchange. That's what Krys walked into.

I don't know how long it went on or who finally intervened... though I have a vague sense Charlie tried a dad maneuver. To be perfectly honest I don't think even my vague memory is actual memory. It's more likely the pictures pieced together from hearing about it.

The argument did end and Sam and Amelia eventually came to a peace with each other, despite the very, important and serious gender difference.

Its this kind of story that makes me want to really explore what life was like then... beyond the never-ending work of treatment... the day to day living. It's nice to know Jonas wants that too. Our couple of back in the day talks this week have offered not only some wonderful laughter but some needed stress relief.

Jonas suggested we take at least one day a month to just hang out for several hours. No kids or babies... just us and a chance to rehash our multiple days and piece together enough of those times to remember the good and the not so good in balance.

Maybe he can offer some insight on the Tara entries too.

Whatever... I'm looking forward to it.