Saturday, January 7, 2012

Never Enough

This entry was almost a whiny post about feeling like I can never do enough right... A long running and tired ass theme of my life.
Driving around on my last delivery, it hit me... Like many a struggling television show, I've finally jumped the shark and tried carrying the same old story line long past reasonable believability. Even I'm tired of tuning in for this predictable dreck.
"I see you having grace for everyone but yourself." Those long ago words of Papa Crane have risen from my buried box of "important truths about myself" to offer the same head slap as when they were first spoken.
Really, Marisa?
Again?
You learn by doing. A fact you've been going on about in your work frustrations, but how many times do you need to repeat this lesson before it's rote and ready so you can avoid systematic withdrawal and pathos as the conditioned response?
Hmmm?
I'm not usually one for resolutions but maybe I should be making an effort to get off my own back.
Self-flagellation is pretty all consuming. It's no wonder I stay so tired.